I feel sick and fatigued and there is a constant, silent scream of panic and pain in my head.
I NEED to REST.
I need a pause button for life or even a stop button (for my mind, at least) because, until I rest and so hopefully feel better, I cannot deal with the stuff I need to deal with and it just weighs on my mind and stops me resting and I can't do task A because I am panicking about task B and …
I feel so ILL right now. My vision is wobbly. Nausea. Pain (guts, eyes, head, feet, … the list just goes on and on and is another weight on my mind/life/energy/spoons).
Stress and worry exacerbates both IBS and MS. Heh.
I think that I still need to learn to say NO. To at least ponder whether I will be able to manage something before agreeing to do it. The problem is that I want to make other people's lives easier and forget about my own …
I am using "…" (…) a lot in this entry. This is because my mind keeps doing it and so …
I keep phasing out.
My mind keeps screaming, "I CAN'T DO THIS!"
"I CAN'T COPE!!"
I will live, I know that. Ultimately I CAN do this and I CAN cope - I just need a chance to reboot first.
Please, world, give me that chance? PLEASE?
I hope that dumping all of this here will let my mind stop screaming at me and let me rest for a short while at least…