June 18th, 2012

pixelasleep, sleep

[reblog] "Permissions"

I did not write this and so these are not my words but when I commented on the author's f-locked post with:
I would really like to repost/share/link this. I think a number of my readers would find it as profound and useful as I do. I do, however, understand you making it f-locked. I may instead try to write my own paraphrased version of this. Might I quote a portion if I do?

they replied with:
Hey, this is going to sound weird, but if you want to quote from it without linking back to me, I'm okay with it. Or paraphrasing and quoting is good too. What I don't want is it out there in its entirety with my name on it; not at this exact moment in time. I understand the words have a separate existence once they're written, and so they need to go where they go - it's okay if no one knows it was me that wrote them.

So, here it is, quoted in full because I am too spoon-less to paraphrase and their words are so much better than mine would be but, at least it is not "out there in its entirety with {my} name on it":

Sometimes in this world, you have to give yourself permissions. That's what I'm doing today.

I give myself permission to put my physical, mental, and spiritual health needs first every single day. It is more important to be healthy than it is to cleave to a complicated web of personal, professional and social expectations; it may even turn out that I become better at meeting and surpassing those expectations when I approach them from a place of greater well being.

I give myself permission to not understand the other guy's point of view. I don't have to know their logic, or reasoning, or motivation. I am not required to always be sympathetic and understanding, especially when achieving this sympathy of perspective comes at the cost of doubting my own judgement, self-worth, and decisions.

I give myself permission to have needs. Big needs, little needs. Physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs. Sensible needs and extravagant needs. There is no inherent virtue in denying one's needs and even less virtue in consistently making decisions that allow your needs to go unmet.

I give myself permission to be angry, and I give myself permission to stay angry. Sometimes people do bad things, and it is okay to be mad about it. Yes, they are children of God too, deserving of grace and forgiveness and compassion and understanding and all of that crap. There is no law that says that it is my role to provide all of those things, and if I can't do it, it doesn't mean I've failed or that I'm failing. It may be that I'm not ready. It may be that I won't be ready for a good long time. It may be that I'm never, ever going to be ready. That's all okay too.

I give myself permission to change my mind. I give myself permission to accept the wisdom and grace of some thought systems/life examples without taking on the compulsion to adopt the whole of it.

I give myself permission to regard my choices and opinions as valid and powerful, even if they're unpopular.

I give myself permission to think about what I need to think about for as long as I need to think about it, even if there's no profit in it.

I give myself permission to not be responsible for other people's thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, world view, moral code, or life experience. I give myself permission to remember that I'm actually not all-powerful and all-responsible. Not even for my children; perhaps most especially not for my children.

I give myself permission to be mine own authority figure.

Probably should have put that last one first. All of this is really relevant to some behind-the-scenes stuff that happened last night; it turns out that people are really strange creatures, myself included.

Onward, upward, forward, y'all. We'll make it through together.