March 8th, 2012


Copy & paste from my natdaylog Tumblr

I was deep in a complex dream where I understood a lot of physics and was about to fix something that was WRONG in an infinite and multi-dimensional way and was about to mean that none of the timelords had ever existed and so neither had The Doctor in any of his incarnations — and then Smudge woke me up and my feeling of loss is now immense because in the dream I learned that dreams were not only dreams but also windows into those other worlds and dimensions. I was being myself in another possible universe. All of those other mes in all of those other dreams are as real as I am and so the loss that I feel every time that this happens actually makes sense and is completely understandable. There IS a version of me out there somewhere in her alternate universe that can fly by thinking about it and although I know that physics tells us this when you get into quantum superposition and so on, every time I am yanked out of experiencing these things in my dreams my heart breaks a little more because whichever reality I have just experienced is not MY reality.
I went through a phase in the 80s when I was terrified of sleep because I was experiencing serialising and repeating dreams where I would die but not wake up like most people do when they die in a dream. Well, if I keep having THESE serialising and repeating dreams that, instead of waking up terrified I wake up heartbroken, I may have to try to avoid sleep again.

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