October 19th, 2011


More nightmares / depressing dreams

As I have been tweeting on @natdaylog (copy/paste):


  • #wakingup from another nightmare/dream about that age old subject that has DEPRESSING tapes on loop in my head both awake & asleep: Mum.

  • At times like this I despair and am more depressed than ever. She will never like me or be proud of me for who/what I am. Her loss but sad.

  • Totally shattered / sleepy but avoiding sleep for obvious reasons. Distracting myself with #knitting and web reading.

  • I have written mum so many unsent letters in the past but I want to write something and actually mail/email it about why I/we dread visiting

  • Can't find the words, though. Was thinking about it before I went to sleep and that is why the nightmare, I expect.

  • Taking this to natalief.livejournal.com so that I can write at more length. Maybe. Copy/paste these tweets for now.

I have realised that I am trying to use twitter to write a longer post but the words are coming in smaller bursts more suited to Twitter. Maybe because I am so tired. I dread sleep right now as much as I dread seeing or speaking to mum.

I want to write down what happened in the dream but am too tired to find the words. Maybe I will scribble something by hand on paper so that I can write it up later and so that I won't forget it all.

Same for the stuff I want to say/write to mum. I don't want to hurt her but know that anything that is not 100% agreement with her and 100% toeing the line will hurt/upset her. Codependent dysfunctional family for 500 please. Heh.

My tweets


Writer's Block: In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue

Where is one new place you’d like to visit?

Somewhere colder/cold and scenic during our increasingly too hot UK summer. e.g. one of Antartica, Alaska, Scandinavia, a Baltic cruise, etc.

The question I answered here, in case they change it (which they have done before), was, "Where is one new place you’d like to visit?"