February 19th, 2010


For once I have remembered parts of a dream!

When I woke up this morning (at about 6 am the first time but at 9 am when I truly woke up enough to get up), I was in a lot of pain, very vertiginous and with worse double vision than usual. This had been the case in my dream as well. For once I did not awake from a dream about desperately trying to find a loo and busting to wee — over and over again — only to find myself busting to wee IRL.

I also remember a spoken line from this dream. At one point I said to dream-hubby, "I would be great at NaNoWriMo if it wasn't NaNoWriMo." I can even remember what I meant by those words — that I would be great at writing when given a deadline if only I was not allowed to write any old crap merely to meet a deadline wordcount for the day and a deadline wordcount for the month. If there was a more reasonable definition to the deadline (with built in flexibility for the MonSter, of course) I might be more inclined to complete the project. I also remember adding, in the dream, "I have a tendency to give up completely if I don't meet just one day's deadline." This is 100% true for me and why I have started so many projects over the years and why I am so bad at the follow-through and completion. I also get bored of long projects very quickly. Oooh! Shiny new ideas!

I have realised something today that leads on from this, whilst reading the third part of an AWESOME series of essays by haikujaguar (Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.) entitled "Many Roles".

If I want to be a writer at all I need to write short things. Not novels. Poems. Flash fiction. Blog posts. Memoirs. I am good at that. Less so the longer projects, as discussed above. Maybe collections of short things at a push.

Phew! An amazing eureka moment at age 42 triggered by dreaming and reading LiveJournal — who'd'a thunk it?

Dysfunctional, Distant and Fragmented

"Name three words you would use to describe your family."

Schizophrenic father, codependent upbringing and mental/verbal/physical abuse is the short story. I may one day finish writing down the long story as a series of memoirs. I have already written some of it down and even penned one flash-fabulism in my LiveJournal (LJFriends-locked) as well.

Our (large!) extended and immediate family not only live apart with attendent divorce and remarriage related issues (including step-siblings not becoming at all close due to the remarriage of parents occuring when the step-siblings are all grown and, except for one at the time, living away from home) but my immediate family itself has never been that 'huggy'. Before dad's schizophrenia worsened my brother and I used to rough-and-tumble with him a lot with all the usual tickling and so on but that all stopped when I was about 8 or 9.

Like many extended families these days we all live in different parts of the country/world. We do not all live in one big house or on one street in the same town. We rarely see each other but do, at least, keep in sporadic contact via email, SMS, phone and mail with occasional face-to-face get-togethers and visits.

my answer on plinky.com