October 6th, 2008

pixelasleep, sleep

I guess I need to go non-public again

It seems that I am going to have to write fewer public entries or reread and edit them over and over again before posting them because I do not seem to be making myself clear in them and I cannot cope with the emotional backlash of some of the comments (not all of which you guys see because I screen all anonymous comments and comments from non-LJFriends). I get that politics is an emotive subject - and so, it seems, is economics - which is why I rarely post my thoughts about these subjects. I do, however, want to be able to blog (i.e. public posts) sometimes - I have a number of readers who I would like to be able to read that are not LJ users and do not have OpenID (or necessarily the wish / knowledge to get one).

Please, can we all stop taking things I say/write as a personal attack? I am unlikely to post anything like that as a public post, anyway! Or, maybe I am just in an over-sensitive place right now (hardly surprising, to be honest) and I am taking your comments too literally - i.e. as the words they are written using but not necessarily how they are intended to be read. Not that I know how I am supposed to know how you intend them to be read if the words written do not tell me that - that perennial (for me at least) dilemma...

I am still reading most of you (my LJFriends that is, as well as RSS/Atom feeds in Google Reader, of course) at the moment but it is getting very tiring - not because of the content - I love you all and care about you all, whatever your beliefs - otherwise I would not read you. It is tiring because I am in a very tired and emotional space right now. No rational reasons (except, maybe, for the recent drama in real life and the usual October+MS+Migraines nightmare) but just a simple fact. As it says at the top of natf (in different words, maybe), I need a safe place to blog and also to have a group of online-friends that look out for each other.

I had hoped that I would not have to only post LJFriends-Only. That we could all be grown up about this. Right now I am tempted to make this journal FO-only and start some anonymous blog somewhere else for any public stuff I want to write - but where is the sense in that? I have a permanent account here that someone secretly bought me (and for which I am still immensely grateful) and it makes sense to be able to do all of my public and non-public blogging and journalling here! I have no idea what to do right now and just need to think it all through alone.

Yeah. Okay. This is a potentially drama-post and so I am disabling comments so that I can have my say in my own journal in emotional safety.