All I can do when I stop doing anything to distract myself is remember how he wailed in fear and confusion and we just thought he was doing his usual "feed me" call. I saw him twice downstairs lying down. He was not running upstairs to yell at me to feed him more "nao". He was scared, confused and perhaps in pain and I did not walk those last few feet to see what was wrong and why his voice sounded so different. It is going to take me ages to banish these images, if I ever can. Just like I cannot banish the images and sounds of his blood-sister Muffin's last few minutes. Pixel had a good life but I cannot but think I let him down in his last hours. My poor baby.