Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford
natf

So here's the thing

There seems to be one guy in our otherwise friendly WoW guild that pushes all of my buttons. So many of the things he "says" in guild chat (typed) trigger me by "sounding" like things that my abusers have said in the past. I could list examples and many of you would reply/comment that I am right to be hurt by what he says but then there will be people that disagree as well. Let's be honest, I feel how I feel and triggers happen so fast and uncontrollably with, in my case, verbal/typed reactions before my consciousness can step in and stop me. There is nothing, that I have discovered (in years of counselling/therapy and reading) that I can do about that. These triggers will trigger and my reactions to them are primal and at such a low-level in my psyche that I cannot prevent or intercept them.

So, what I need to do is *not* throw my toys out of the pram and put that person on /ignore because that would make little sense of guild chat and I would not do that to a guildie, except for a very short time. I need to *not* /gquit over this because, otherwise this guild is a VERY good fit for me.

What I need to try to do is that, if I am in a fragile mood and would be better off not seeing that person talking in guild chat, I need to either quit WoW and knit/read or switch to one of my un-guilded toons on another server. As soon as I find myself wanting to minimise the chat window that I have /g in I need to remove myself from any toons in that guild. If I need to stay because I am part of a guild raid or something similar then I need to try to remember my anti-stress remedies and … care less, as in, "I couldn't…" I know that works. I just wish that I could remember things like that.

If being stressed and triggered to F*** my some bloke (on WoW, else-web or in RL) then remove self from said situation or, if that is not possible or not enough, do the anti-stress remedies.

Mantra: DO NOT RISE TO THEIR (likely unintended) BAIT!

Comments disabled because this really does not need any discussion. I have noticed my behaviour and come up with a possible solution. Now I just need to remember it when triggered and/or stressed.

So, this has been 50% rant/vent and 50% realisation/decision. I now return you to your regularly scheduled LiveJournal.
Tags: guild, mental health, triggers, wow
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