- #wakingup from another nightmare/dream about that age old subject that has DEPRESSING tapes on loop in my head both awake & asleep: Mum.
- At times like this I despair and am more depressed than ever. She will never like me or be proud of me for who/what I am. Her loss but sad.
- Totally shattered / sleepy but avoiding sleep for obvious reasons. Distracting myself with #knitting and web reading.
- I have written mum so many unsent letters in the past but I want to write something and actually mail/email it about why I/we dread visiting
- Can't find the words, though. Was thinking about it before I went to sleep and that is why the nightmare, I expect.
- Taking this to natalief.livejournal.com so that I can write at more length. Maybe. Copy/paste these tweets for now.
I have realised that I am trying to use twitter to write a longer post but the words are coming in smaller bursts more suited to Twitter. Maybe because I am so tired. I dread sleep right now as much as I dread seeing or speaking to mum.
I want to write down what happened in the dream but am too tired to find the words. Maybe I will scribble something by hand on paper so that I can write it up later and so that I won't forget it all.
Same for the stuff I want to say/write to mum. I don't want to hurt her but know that anything that is not 100% agreement with her and 100% toeing the line will hurt/upset her. Codependent dysfunctional family for 500 please. Heh.