Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford
natf

More nightmares / depressing dreams

As I have been tweeting on @natdaylog (copy/paste):

 
 

  • #wakingup from another nightmare/dream about that age old subject that has DEPRESSING tapes on loop in my head both awake & asleep: Mum.

  • At times like this I despair and am more depressed than ever. She will never like me or be proud of me for who/what I am. Her loss but sad.

  • Totally shattered / sleepy but avoiding sleep for obvious reasons. Distracting myself with #knitting and web reading.

  • I have written mum so many unsent letters in the past but I want to write something and actually mail/email it about why I/we dread visiting

  • Can't find the words, though. Was thinking about it before I went to sleep and that is why the nightmare, I expect.

  • Taking this to natalief.livejournal.com so that I can write at more length. Maybe. Copy/paste these tweets for now.


I have realised that I am trying to use twitter to write a longer post but the words are coming in smaller bursts more suited to Twitter. Maybe because I am so tired. I dread sleep right now as much as I dread seeing or speaking to mum.

I want to write down what happened in the dream but am too tired to find the words. Maybe I will scribble something by hand on paper so that I can write it up later and so that I won't forget it all.

Same for the stuff I want to say/write to mum. I don't want to hurt her but know that anything that is not 100% agreement with her and 100% toeing the line will hurt/upset her. Codependent dysfunctional family for 500 please. Heh.
Tags: depression, mum, sadness
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments