Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford
natf

My PTSD will be the (mental?) death of me one day

Not sure why I apologise because I just feel even more upset when it is not acknowledged.

So, I apologised for saying that their affect/behaviour triggered me into feeling that they were being angry/aggro once I calmed down and realised that I was just being reminded of someone else (many people, actually) that *had* been angry/aggro when behaving in that way.

So, I need a way to not be triggered by someone's affect if it reminds me of so many other people's affects / behaviour when I was feeling scared and threatened because they were angry with me back in the past.

Oh, wait, there is no way to stop being triggered. It is subconscious. There is nothing I can do about it but apologise once I realise what has happened, except that my apologies being ignored and the whole "I am not speaking to you!" feeling is triggering all over again.

Way to go my broken mind. Way to go.

ETA: I do wonder why it is only a few specific people that trigger me so reliably in this way. Is it because they all share this unusual affect? Is it because they are people close to me or people that I hope like me? I just have no idea, despite a *lot* of therapy and reading.

cross-posted to a community else-LJ
Tags: mental health
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