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Another unsent letter

This has been bugging me since the 4th. I just need to get it out and then maybe I will stop thinking about it, perseverating and obsessing as this letter runs over and over in my head.

Dear you - yes, you - you know who you are,

I don't know why I bother. I mention that M&S vouchers are of little use to me/us as gifts, that we never shop there except very rarely for underwear and that we have specifically asked for other things in the past (iTunes vouchers, Amazon vouchers, cash, etc.) and you say that we should be grateful that we get anything. We are. We are just trying to let you know that your money would be better spent (and less wasted) on a gift that we will use and actually need.

Just a few minutes later I surprise you with a gift (on my birthday, not yours!) of some socks that I designed for you and knitted for you and all you do is find fault and complain. They don't match (that sometimes happens with self patterning yarn and hand-knit socks - it is part of the charm!). They are slippery on your wooden floor and not like slippers at all (well, that is because they are SOCKS!). *sigh*

Why did I make them for you? Well, you had snarked at me that, "You don't knit ME socks!" after I knitted a pair for my brother's fiancée at giftmas. Well, now you know why. Although you are totally self-centred and oblivious and so you actually have no idea why, in reality.

Do you even hear your double standard? Your 'one rule for us and another for you'? You should (by your earlier words) be grateful that I thought to design them for you and knit them for you! "It is the thought that counts!" you say, over and over from my earliest days whilst the thought is not enough and so does not count, for you. *sigh*

So, even though I keep seeing things on Ravelry that I would love to knit for you and I think you might like, I am not going to knit you anything else unless you specifically ask me, choose the pattern and buy the yarn. I give up.

Relevant memories:
  • The gloves I knitted you out of my last skein of Regia Silk 4ply (discontinued), a yarn I love and thought you would too. Of course, you put them straight in a drawer and never wear them. You tell me they are too thin and not warm enough.

  • SO. I knit you a thicker and warmer pair of gloves. I have a feeling that you never wear those either.

  • I have knit you scarves and shawls and they all live in the same drawer.

I knit things for you to WEAR not to moulder away in a drawer. At least these knit items may return to me one day. Maybe then I can wear them myself or regift them to someone who will appreciate them and WEAR them!

I give up knitting you anything and sure as hell will not design anything for you again in the future.



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 23rd, 2011 02:40 pm (UTC)
A very good letter. And well done for not sending it.

I hope this enables you to deal with the problem assertively (and politely) when it next arises - and ignore it until it next does.

Personally I get very stressed about giving presents because I don't know what is appropriate.
Aug. 23rd, 2011 10:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you Alex.
I must admit that part of me hopes she reads this (which is why I did not lock it to friends-only) but most of me knows that even if she does she will never "understand". I have also given up hoping that she will ever understand me, let alone be proud of me or pleased with something that I do for her…
At least almost everyone else that I knit for is impressed and pleased about it! The only possible exception being my schizophrenic grandmother… ;-p
Aug. 24th, 2011 06:37 am (UTC)
Yeah. It sounds ridiculous but I think we need to let go of the desire for other people to *understand*. All we can do is explain ourselves and our situation and hope that understanding comes from that.
Aug. 25th, 2011 02:33 am (UTC)
Yeah, I am trying to do that but it is so hard when she insists that we understand her…
Aug. 24th, 2011 12:58 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm sorry your family stresses you. Can you distance yourself?
Aug. 25th, 2011 02:32 am (UTC)
I already do as much as I can. Sadly, I cannot afford haircuts and she cuts our hair (she was/is a trained hairdresser) and right now some of our stuff is "taking up space and getting in the way" in her garage because we had to let our storage unit go due to the expense. Also, she does not live that far away from us but always complains that we "never phone her" whilst 'never' phoning or visiting us…

Aug. 25th, 2011 01:12 pm (UTC)
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )


Nat S Ford
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