Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford
natf

Recent thoughts

Some days I log all of my medication, food and symptom stuff to my @natdaylog twitter account so that we can, hopefully, track what food and so on might trigger what symptoms, etc. Some days, less so with the logging which makes it a much less useful tool.

Some days I get caught up with feeling okay and whatever I am doing (e.g. WoW, writing, knitting, reading) and forget to think about how I feel and/or whether I am hungry.

Some days I feel that I am in my end-days and that there is not much future for me, mainly because I do not have the future and possible future(s) that I had twenty years ago. I was never ambitious and am now glad that was the case for I would miss ambitions and possibilities more than I miss what I had. A couple of days ago I realised that I am only 43 and that I might live as long again - hell my great aunt lived to 105 but she was much healthier than I am. I decided to try to do as much as I can every day but I am still wrestling with not beating myself up about "failing" when I just can't do something one day. Oh, the mind-tapes in my head…

Some days I write and write on paper. Some days I write and type on my keyboard. Some days I think 'aloud' on LJ and some days I do my best not to think at all. Some days I cannot think at all because the MonSter has stolen my brain for the day/hour/week/month.

Some days I make posts like this one with no real theme, plot, rhyme or reason. Then again, this is my livejournal and so I can say whatever I want to within its walls as long as I am breaking no laws.

ETA: With more point and pertinence, I have also been thinking about my need to "leave something behind" and have realised that it is at odds with my atheist/humanist/scientist thoughts that we all return to atoms anyway and also not a little narcissistic. Someone once said that to blog is narcissistic but my blogging and blog-reading is 99% of my conversation with other humans - my social life, if you will. So, now I hope to do as much as I can of things that make me happy and to share these things in this blog in case they might make other people happy as well.
Tags: health, mental health, sleep, thoughts
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