Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford

Recent thoughts

Some days I log all of my medication, food and symptom stuff to my @natdaylog twitter account so that we can, hopefully, track what food and so on might trigger what symptoms, etc. Some days, less so with the logging which makes it a much less useful tool.

Some days I get caught up with feeling okay and whatever I am doing (e.g. WoW, writing, knitting, reading) and forget to think about how I feel and/or whether I am hungry.

Some days I feel that I am in my end-days and that there is not much future for me, mainly because I do not have the future and possible future(s) that I had twenty years ago. I was never ambitious and am now glad that was the case for I would miss ambitions and possibilities more than I miss what I had. A couple of days ago I realised that I am only 43 and that I might live as long again - hell my great aunt lived to 105 but she was much healthier than I am. I decided to try to do as much as I can every day but I am still wrestling with not beating myself up about "failing" when I just can't do something one day. Oh, the mind-tapes in my head…

Some days I write and write on paper. Some days I write and type on my keyboard. Some days I think 'aloud' on LJ and some days I do my best not to think at all. Some days I cannot think at all because the MonSter has stolen my brain for the day/hour/week/month.

Some days I make posts like this one with no real theme, plot, rhyme or reason. Then again, this is my livejournal and so I can say whatever I want to within its walls as long as I am breaking no laws.

ETA: With more point and pertinence, I have also been thinking about my need to "leave something behind" and have realised that it is at odds with my atheist/humanist/scientist thoughts that we all return to atoms anyway and also not a little narcissistic. Someone once said that to blog is narcissistic but my blogging and blog-reading is 99% of my conversation with other humans - my social life, if you will. So, now I hope to do as much as I can of things that make me happy and to share these things in this blog in case they might make other people happy as well.
Tags: health, mental health, sleep, thoughts

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment