Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford

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Copied from a comment on a f-locked post else-LJ:

It has taken me years (43+!) to work out that I like being calm, contented and quietly alone rather than joyful, popular and noisily in a crowd. I used to strive and search in such noisy crowds for Happiness and Joy but then, one day, realised that I was happily sitting alone in my room, knitting and reading the web. I was happy in a way that was meaningful to me and had probably had moments and even hours like this in the past before reminding myself that I was lonely, unhappy and in search of SO MUCH!

So, what I am trying to say is, I searched for happiness but found that I had had it all along without realising it by merely recognising that I had been searching for something that would not make me happy, anyway.

As I said it before on this LJ;

I am beginning to realise that "happy" is not the same as "ecstatic" or "gleeful" and am coming to realise that "happy" is closer in meaning to "calm and contented".

From another relevant earlier post of mine;

I have always thought that "happy" meant "over the moon and ecstatic". You know, storybook "they lived happily ever after" with music and bluebirds. I have only felt that happy occasionally and only ever for a short period of time and so I used to think that that meant I was rarely happy. While reading that post and reflecting inwards for a few seconds, I realised that I was not feeling UNhappy or depressed but was feeling calm and content and that this might actually mean that I was feeling happy!

P.S. I am happy to be able to sleep during the hot day and be awake during the cool night, despite that meaning that I cannot earn a wage at a 9-5 job.
Tags: happiness

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