Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford

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"Nine things about yourself"

I seem to be doing this not-a-meme at random time intervals (as may be explained later in this post) and not using the "Ten days" structure that whomever created this thing originally stipulated:

1. Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
2. Nine things about yourself.
3. Eight ways to win your heart.
4. Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
5. Six things you wish you’d never done.
6. Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
7. Four turn offs.
8. Three turn ons.
9. Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
10. One confession.

I have been putting this one off because I could not think of anything to tell you all that I have not already told you. Then again, I may be mis-remembering what I have told you so I have decided to draft this in Scrivener and post when/if I get to nine.

  1. I have many weird traits/abilities/'superhero-superpowers' possibly caused by the MonSter (MS / multiple sclerosis) or possibly just due to me being me. One is that I have such a strangely flawed memory, that I can re-watch television programmes, films and re-read books, etc. again and again rarely remembering the punchline/plot/ending before I get there. I suppose that that is a benefit in that doing so is not boring and there is always something on TV that I am happy to (re-)watch.

  2. The drawback is that when people try to talk to me about things I have seen/read/heard, I cannot remember what they are talking about, cannot remember doing so and cannot remember what happens.

  3. I can fall asleep almost anywhere almost instantly if I am tired/exhausted/fatigued enough. I have slept in cars, sitting up in doctors' waiting rooms, at my desk whilst still sitting upright in my cube whilst still working, almost anywhere. I have not yet been found sleeping whilst standing up.

  4. When I asked my ex-ex-ex-GP for Provigil/Modafinil to help me medicate vs. my MS fatigue, I had to ill out the narcolepsy diagnosis questionnaire and now my medical records say that I am narcoleptic. No, not necrophiliac…

  5. If I set an alarm and then go to sleep, I will usually wake up just before the alarm goes off. I actually wish that I could get the lost few minutes of sleep back, but prefer it to being woken up by the cats or an alarm or something like that because then I don't feel like I wake up properly, a bit like those dreams where you wake up but are still sleeping and life feels fictional, fuzzy and somehow just wrong. Yes, I do want to see "Inception"! ;-p

  6. I snore and apparently can go from awake to deeply asleep and snoring within a few minutes. This is probably because I don't get into bed unless I need to sleep. Even if I need to be up during the day in the morning I will stay up as late as possible (whilst trying to ensure that I will get about 4 hours sleep - I can always nap later) so that I am tired enough to sleep without tossing and turning. After all those years trying to fit into the world of 9 to 5 (a world that I am just not designed for), I can now stay up all night and knit/write/read if I am wide awake and sleep during the day if I am then tired (assuming no appointments, of course).

  7. "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." "Time can be rewritten." Quotes from fiction but also, in reality, true. For me, time is often, also, a lie. I have a strange 'ability' to be able to dilate the past, only not when I want to. An example that I frequently quote to medics is that my alarm will go off to tell me to take my meds. I will be typing something and so will OK the alarm, thinking that I will just finish putting down the thought I am in the middle of writing (or reading or just finish this row of knitting, or pattern repeat, or…) and then, next time I look up it is four hours later (or four days, weeks, months, … "Didn't we just move house? Oh. No. That was May 2008. Not last week, then.") I have stopped using alarms like these. I am trying to work out how to manage my weird timelessness with regards to alarms, deadlines, appointments and so on. Give me time, I only just got diagnosed! (September 1998, in actual fact.)

  8. Despite my often seemingly absent memory, I occasionally spontaneously remember something from my BSc Biochemistry studies, something I read yesterday but had forgotten about or something else from the depths of my brain's data-store. This makes it likely that the current thoughts about the differences between Altzheimer's memory loss/dementia and the weird memory failings in multiple sclerosis are true. People with Altzheimer's apparently cannot lay down new memories and the actual memory data is becoming eroded/lost. People with MS (PwMS) can make new memories, are remembering things, just cannot always access the memories. Their database index is non-functional/corrupted/randomised.

  9. Some of my abilities and flexibilities as described here annoy other people, either f'realz or in jest. I am often told that I am "so lucky" to be able to sleep when I want to, for example, or that I am similarly lucky to be able to sleep so quickly when I want to. Well, I suppose I am lucky about some of those things, and I do try to spin some of my disabilities as MonSter-provided superpowers so that life is not as depressing as it used to be before I tried that trick. I would like, however, to be able to earn money and not be as poor as we are right now. I would love to be able to keep a deadline, work from home, be able to remember what I was doing three minutes ago and so on.

Wow. That got long and has mostly all ended up being about my MS/health/etc. Also, despite drafting it in Scrivener and re-editing it in xjournal a few times, I probably wrote them all in one sitting. I could also have written more than nine.

Apologies if it was TL;DR. Maybe one or two of you found it interesting. Did it make sense? Trigger any questions?
Tags: about_me, memoir
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