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Very useful list

From http://trustpects.livejournal.com/11588.html
She [ed.: her counsellor] gave me a photocopy of a list of Basic Personal Rights to help me with interpersonal dynamics, thinking I may not stand up for and express my rights as quickly as I may need to. The list is adapted from Bourne, E.J. The anxiety and phobia workbook and The relaxation and stress reduction workbook.:

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say "no".
3. I have the right to feel and express my feelings, both positive and negative.
4. I have the right to make mistakes.
5. I have the right to have my own opinions and convictions.
6. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
7. I have the right to change my mind or decide on a different course of action.
8. I have the right to protest unfair treatment or criticism.
9. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
10. I have the right to my own values and standards.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to say "I don't know".
13. I have the right to negotiate for change.
14. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
15. I have the right to ask for help or emotional support.
16. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time, even if others would prefer my company.
17. I have the right not to have to justify myself to others.
18. I have the right not to take responsibility for someone else's behaviour, feelings, or problems.
19. I have the right not to have to anticipate others' needs and wishes.
20. I have the right not to always worry about the goodwill of others.
21. I have the right to choose not to respond to a situation.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 2nd, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
I LOVE this!
Dec. 3rd, 2010 12:44 am (UTC)
I knew that I would not be the only one to find this list awesome/useful! *hug*
Dec. 3rd, 2010 02:09 am (UTC)
Do either of you know what "20. I have the right not to always worry about the goodwill of others." is getting at?
I'm vacillating on my opinion of what "goodwill of others" means here... By that, do you think it means how charitable people are to others, or something more all-encompassing, like how ethical people are towards others? Or something else entirely? Is it intended toward not worrying about all people in general having goodwill towards others, or just one specific person, like in point #11?
Dec. 3rd, 2010 02:13 am (UTC)
To me it means, "Don't care what people think of you," as in the goodwill of others towards you - but I may be wrong. What did your therapist say about it?
Dec. 3rd, 2010 02:23 am (UTC)
I haven't had a chance to ask her yet, as she gave it to me at the end of our last session, and that one was only my 3rd session with her. Hopefully it won't take her much longer to know me well - I gave her a 35-page Word-formatted document which includes an 18 page questionnaire about me which I had 4 people who know me well fill out. It is a shame that much time with a therapist can be wasted in the fact finding and getting to know the patient phases as opposed to the meat and potatoes healing phase. So I made a questionnaire for an objective view of myself around in re to general mental health, communication skills, trust, and interpersonal conflicts because the latter 3 topics are my particular sticky-wickets. I also filled it out and replied with my introspection over other's views of me. Should you know anyone that might be interested in seeing and/or using that questionnaire, the link is below. It's helpful to have the opportunity to really know how other's view one's self. It is meant to be responded to anonymously by at least 3 people to encourage them to respond completely honestly.

Dec. 3rd, 2010 01:49 pm (UTC)
Ooo, interesting. Where did you get the questionnaire?

Maybe of interest is my reaction to the answers the first of your four responders was giving. They seem to have triggered me a little in that they remind me of what someone very judgemental and critical in my life (mum) might say as a way of lashing out at me. This person seems to have a few chips on their shoulder about you.

Then again, I am not a therapist and habve not even played one in a movie! ;-p

Edited at 2010-12-03 01:49 pm (UTC)
Dec. 3rd, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
I made the questionnaire up myself after reviewing things about general mental health, researching types of communication, and then thinking about my specific traumatic brain injury ramifications. It took about... 8 hours to create, and well worth the time.

You're right about the chip on the shoulder, though I'm not sure where it comes from because she's the only respondent who's studied neurology on a surface level.

Respondents' order:
1st - my step-sister who's known me 6 years (lab tech turned k - 5th grade teacher)
2nd - my bestfriend who I've been bestfriends with for 14 years (masters in social work from columbia univ and has started a non-profit agency to help hinder violence)
3rd - a friend I met a year and a half ago at the Dale Carnegie course. (child psychologist)
4th - a boyfriend of about 2 weeks (too old for me) who's been a close friend for 14 years (writer hobbyist, manager at a factory)
Dec. 3rd, 2010 02:18 pm (UTC)
This could be a touchy question, but we are here to help one another... thinking about questions which are touchy rather than avoiding them can help us see a situation more clearly. Why do you suppose your mum is judgmental and critical of you? I had figured it was your mum by your word choice.

Thinking on it more re my step-sis... her father appeared to me and most everyone else to be nicer than Santa. Before my mom passed away, I noticed he had a book in their home called A Father's Heritage. Since my mom was at stage 4 cancer (terminal- died a year later), I was curious about the book dealing w/ legacies and heritage. I saw he filled it out and the question about how he learned about sex was answered that he thinks from an older guy when he was 7 years old. He'd been orphaned at 7 when his father died of alcoholism; his mom was schizophrenic and at a ward. He pulled himself up from his bootstraps after foster care and became a millionaire with a huge house in wealthy neighborhood and a big office in Penn Plaza, NYC.

After my mom died, he gave me a bizarre ultimatum: that I sleep in only a t-shirt and panties when I sleep over there, or not at all. I said I wasn't comfortable with that; he wouldn't budge so I packed up and left, and have not slept over there since. I avoid being alone with him since. When I went over during the day to get purses my mom bequeathed to me, he said she bequeathed the Coach purse to his daughter. She did not, and it's clear in her will. I let that battle go and took the other purses (have since gotten the Coach), but he took everything out of every single one of them and yelled how he'll give me the contents when he's good and ready.

I found out a couple of years ago that my step-sis was molested (possibly raped) by her father's foster brother from the time she was 2 years old until she was about 12. Her mother was hardly ever around - preferred taking trips to posh bars in NYC to hang out with the high society. I think this attributes to her harsh, critical demeanor. Now that I know how her father really is, I seem him as extremely rigid, not at all like the nicer than Santa guy he portrays outwardly.
Dec. 3rd, 2010 01:21 pm (UTC)
That's awesome! can I share?
Dec. 3rd, 2010 01:44 pm (UTC)
Wasn't mine originally. If you share without the link to her journal, I don't see why not, unless she would rather you don't.
Dec. 3rd, 2010 01:58 pm (UTC)
Feel free to share. I'd certainly appreciate a link back to it for more traffic to my journal to make more LJ penpals, but it's not necessary. If you do put the link, which I'd prefer you do, keep in mind that you may become guilty by association because some of the things on my journal might be construed as un-politically correct. So, while I prefer a link back, I'd understand if you didn't.
Dec. 3rd, 2010 02:09 pm (UTC)
Oh I'm fine with un pc ness ;). Thank you :)
Dec. 3rd, 2010 02:20 pm (UTC)
Glad I'm not the only one =D
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )


Nat S Ford
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