I was bullied for years as a child both emotionally and physically.
I have also worked within a number of sick system companies - I have a feeling that most employers develop a sick system company so that they can be in control of their employees without realising that this is counterproductive.
Currently I do, however, seem to have reached a place where I can keep myself safe from abuse, bullying and sick systems. At least to some extent. Years of reading and therapy have helped a lot. I do worry, however, that I might be perpetuating sick systems in the way that I now live, but I will have to think about that some more.
Here are a number of relevant links and quotes that I have had open in tabs for a few days. I have not read them all yet but will be working through them. Obvious TRIGGER WARNING is obvious (but probably worth working through):
Issendai's "How to keep someone with you forever": This blog post is about sick systems and how to recognise them. The comments are also very good and my current train of thought and reading began here.
In "Links like oxygen", Harriet J at hir fugitivus blog requests links to books and online articles about abuse for Hir friend who has just left an abusive relationship. One of the comments there contained a line that made me realise that one of my family relationships is still abusive, despite me being 43!
Quote from this comment:"it’s not just one behaviour or other that can help you pinpoint with absolute certainty whether or not someone is abusive. It’s more like a cluster of behaviours backed by an “attitude”. And that’s what makes it so difficult to predict. Attitude and intent are subtle and can’t be easily apprehended or exposed for what they truly are. The important thing is to believe that you don’t deserve to be treated in a way that makes you uncomfortable or hurt. That someone who doesn’t mind doing that even on occasion is not right for you, period. And I don’t just mean romantic relationships, this goes for every kind."
More links without comment:
- A Note on Personal Responsibility (bullying can kill).
- Pandora's Project.
- "Domestic violence is complicated. But so is escape."
- "Since you asked… My boyfriend owes me $10,000.
- From the mouths of pamphlets."
- "Warning signs you're dating a loser."
- More links at somethingawful.com - WARNING: much of the rest of this site is not a safe place.
- The hardest thing I've ever done.
- Obsidian Wings: Why do they stay?
- Obsidian Wings: Battered Women: The Sequel.
- Obsidian Wings: And Another Thing…
- The Myth Of The Woman Who Craves Abuse.
- Scarleteen: To: Current Resident of That Broken-Down House.
- Confessions of a Hoarder: Making Mistakes.
- Violence Unsilenced.
- DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #44: How You Get Unstuck.
- Violence without lifting a finger.
- Not All Vampires Suck Blood!
- On Interpersonal Badness.
- Vampire Vignette.
- ysabetwordsmith about Vampire Vignette.
Comment thread on ysabetwordsmith's LJ about energy/emotion vampires.
Links to some books on amazon the people have linked to (apologies for not typing in titles and authors!):
This also, of course, comes back to the 'Twilight saga tells girls/women that abusive relationships are normal and okay' issue as mentioned by some of the comments and links provided in response to articles I have linked above.