Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford

Written the other day as I awoke from a nap

I wrote this in my paper journal/notebook once I was awake enough to see to write and before the ideas/memories left me forever. Typed up here verbatim - i.e. with no editing for spelling, grammar or style.

SUN 03 OCT 2010
Waking from my non-nightmare dreams is almost always so very depressing. There is no wonder really, because in my dreams I can think, reason, run, concentrate, plan, jump (and sometimes even fly or use psionic abilities). When I wake I am back to reality, trapped in a body that is progressively losing abilities one after another. I never could do as much in reality as I can in my dreams — and have always wished to be capable of in reality. It is only to be expected, therefore, that I want to go back to sleep when I wake and wish that I could stay in these dreams forever. For there I am everything that I ever was and am now no longer able to be. I am, in that place, also able to be all that I have ever wished to be. Reality is much better than it could be, I know — I have a place to live, clothes and food. In that other place, however, I either no longer need such practicalities or have those and others beyond any I have wished for. Reality sucks. My loved ones are there in my dreams as well as here.

Yeah, okay, it could do with a good edit but I have always wanted to be 'honest and real' about my writing and prefer the 'in the moment' feel that my unedited words can (maybe?) convey. Also, I have never been any good at editing my own writing and hated teachers when suggested edits to my prose or poetry. If I edit it, it is no longer what I thought/wrote at that moment in time and so is no longer an accurate snapshot of my thoughts and feelings. Maybe I need to combine some of my willingness to post-process my photographs so that they better look like how I saw the scene and not how the camera saw the scene. I probably need to think about how the reader will read/interpret my words. Part of me, however, says, "Not relevant! I am writing for myself!" Yes, I know, not realistic when I also sometimes write about how I want to leave something behind and to be remembered.

Urgh I am rambling. *hits post*
Tags: dreams, writing

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