- I was told that it was the big "C" and that I had six months to live.
It was inside my head but I did not have the feeling that it was a tumor as such. It was inoperable.
- I though about running up a lot of debt enjoying my last few months and then I though about leaving that debt with my loved ones when I died. I cared enough about them not to do that.
- I went back to 'work' (which seemed to be my first long-term (4.5 years) employer after university) where I had been off sick for a long time (which, in reality, I was - with undiagnosed multiple sclerosis).
- I told my boss but she was not at all sympathetic.
- My boss 'retired' me rather then, as I had hoped, allowing me to work out my time and earn some cash.
- * I thought about visiting all of my online friends.
- * I thought about going back to Seattle, visiting Finland, South Africa and New Zealand - all of which I have though about recently in reality.
- * I thought about trying to write down as much as I could of my life.
- I thought about all the photos that I have taken over the years that reside only on DVDs and that nobody will look at when I die.
- I told my ex who worked (and really still still works) at that company about the cancer. He hugged me. He never did say much.
- I tried to tell my immediate boss (the boss before was my boss's boss, both female) but she was on the phone.
- I was clearing out my desk drawers and found a sub-sub-notebook/netbook (about 6" x 4") in there (and a full size laptop) that I did not remember.
- * I though about how an iPad would help me write, read and so on.
- While I was clearing out my desk I called my husband (which I did not have when I worked there, in reality) to come and collect me.
- Soon after that a group/team meeting started around my desk. When I worked there the directors / uber-bosses would gather us all together around the open plan desks to make announcements. This seemed to be like that but nothing seemed to be said. Everyone was just milling around waiting for something to happen.
- I woke up with a headache (real).
- Some of this is similar to what happened when I was diagnosed with MS.
- This dream was not lucid as such (I did not know I was dreaming and did not control what happened in any way) but was very 'real'.
I wonder why I always seem to wake up in the midst of a vivid dream. Every day, now. Then again, I never really remember them as vividly as this.
* These things I want to do in reality.