Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford
natf

I don't have enough spoons to live how I need/want to live.

i am very useless. i know i am very useless because my house is always dirty. this is extremely unfortunate because i like cleanliness. i like Order. i like things being where they ought to be and also not having much dust on them.

we'll find a place between fact and fiction -

Copy/paste in full, with permission, behind the cut:
marika_kailaya writes my thoughts so I don't have to remember to do so:
*rubs face* internet, i am very useless. i know i am very useless because my house is always dirty. this is extremely unfortunate because i like cleanliness. i like Order. i like things being where they ought to be and also not having much dust on them. i like the shine of polished wood and the smell of lemon pledge and pine sol and the shine of wet floors and a nice white toilet and sink and bathtub, and i like the image of a knife holder full of sharp, clean knives and the scrubbed, sparkling glass shelves of a fridge and the consoling knowledge as one goes to sleep that all of one's towels are clean and folded.

i do not believe in cohabiting with insects and snakes who really ought to listen to me and stay the fuck outside.

this would all be very realistic except i can at most conquer one bit of housework daily. if i fold towels today, my arms are shot (if i succeed in finishing the towels) and i won't be able to do the dishes. if i do dishes today, my back, shoulders, and hips will be successfully destroyed, thus also destroying the vague ability i have to get one room swept before i physically cannot stand up. if i dust today--there is no more today. scrubbing the tub is strangely easy for me but then i won't be able to do the sinks.

so what you end up with is a never-ending cycle of filth because i can't do two things in one day and the thing i cleaned yesterday is dirty two days after (likely on one of the frequent days i can't really do ANYTHING) and it won't fucking matter.

and what i did yesterday might keep me on my ass today and then two days afterwards; and what then?

(i DO NOT RECOMMEND that you suggest to me that I Need To Push Harder as i will HIRE someone to tear you apart for that. that person will then bring me your scalp so i might use your hair as a feather-duster.)


Part of one of my comments there, because it is relevant:
My MS Neuro thinks I may have fibro as well. That or fibro, MS, CFS, etc are all the same condition. Or MS is actually 30 different conditions. If only how we work was as uncomplicated and as understood as a car or even a computer and came with a repair manual… heh.
Tags: fatigue, fibromyalgia, ms, spoons
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