Nat S Ford (natf) wrote,
Nat S Ford

Thoughts and shorts

From here on in I will do what I want to do, what I need to do, what I like to do.

I have found, I think, a deity; a new reference point. I had tried 'God' and then 'boyfriend'. Now I think I may have it right. I will look to me.

My neck is on the line, but I don't think the train is coming. And it doesn't.

I wish I was as free as a swift, wheeling in the rain.

Living on one leg for a while makes you appreciate two so much more.

Remind me, next time it is relevant, that you are only as lonely as you make yourself.

What a bastard day - keep on top?

Here I go again! Can I handle this? Do I want to? Lets see.

Things are either easier to handle now, or I don't care any more.

Dizzy - what's up?

It has suddenly dawned on me that I could do without everything. All I need is me. That makes me feel good.

So why do I often feel the deepest despair for no apparent reason? And why can music affect me so deeply?

And why can the weather influence my mood?

Not jilted after all - relief?

An unexpected, but hoped for, visit.

A strange and uncharacteristic lack of fear and an urge to excel.

There are people, I know now, that want to know me. People that need my friendship.

One wild evening of neighbourly friendliness!

I feel alive and free and happy.

It is the shittiest day for ages but I feel fine - I have conquered! That proves that nothing can rule me. I am enough for me.

I am letting myself go again. I must be sure not to get lost along the way, head above water all the time. I must know what I am doing and leave myself escape chutes whenever I may need them.

Its good to be free again. Escape was effective and almost painless. I have another friend now.

Apparently the world is my oyster and I can "get who I want." Well, I hadn't noticed, to tell the truth, but I am willing to believe anything for a while...

I feel complete, at one, content to be alone; almost glad that I am. My own master, subject only to whom I wish to be.

Floating along at the spur of the moment; not one care in the world.

I want to be alone for a while. I am getting too close to some people and I am not sure that I should get any closer.

Remind me, next time it is relevant, that you are only as lonely as you make yourself.

Here I go again! Can I handle this? Do I want to? Lets see.

Things are easier to handle now - or I don't care any more...

I should hate myself.

Love is a wonderful emotion. It is all consuming and it springs upon you from nowhere changing your life beyond all recognition. I am in love and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So much for jumping up and down on my emotions until they return to their dark corner!

ME is no longer enough?!!

Sometimes I am *so* organised and, then, I can work non-stop. At others I can be *so* vague or confused. I prefer the former but it is more rare and gets bored...
Tags: nsf_writing

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