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I am not here
Why and I not here?
Where am I?
Can anyone tell me
Why?
Why am I seeming to float on air?
Questions come and go
Rise and fall and fade away
Only to return
Worse
The awful screams
Tearing at my mind
The calls of fear
Hatred
Round and round
Detached
Am I mad?
I can't be.
Speech pulls me back
Startled, I scream
Inwardly
And float back off to nowhere
Distance becomes nothing
I glide
Soar
Am I really here?
Looking around, I see faces
Do I know them?
I think I should
Somehow they fade
Mixing with the swirling background
I itch to be free
To run, scream, shout
Be myself, alone
Away from futile hope
Agree silently when drawn into conversation
Die alone
No one sees
They live
They function
True humans
They battle on
Why bother?
Gain on earth
Is ultimate loss
Why, then, do we
Strive for achievement
It is as much a waste
Of valuable time
As putting corn in a
Bottomless sack
No use at all.
Still I am nowhere
Risen above the
Swirling mass
Of nothing
They call the world
The void is limitless
I move as a robot
Going through the motions
Controlled by...
Is it society?
Is it...
What is it?
Why do people fear?
Is there a reason?
No one reaches me
They see the exterior
The voice is not mine
I am dead&
It lives on without me
Emotions stifle me
The murderous of eternity
This is worse than living death
Knowing
Hearing
Not feeling
The sound circles round
Wearing me down
As the river encircles the island.
The fixed
Forced smile
Nailed to my face
with Absolute Pain
Thrown at people
Who require to seem
Happy
Contented
HA!
Falsity is worthless
Who needs a rehearsed
Worn out life
Practised from the age
Of minus nothing
No one needs you
You are expendable
Slide down
Don't partake
You can't
"Cos we say so!"
Nothing makes sense
Your brain
Empty of all memory
All knowledge
All feeling
Begins to addle.
Am I mad?
Not yet.
Soon realisation will arrive...
Won't it?
Another day
Another pointless
Fruitless
Wasted day
Detached again
Never to meet
Somehow nothing is real
Not even me.
Are we all in each other's minds?
Is the world my imagination?
What would happen if I
Refused to admit it
To the realms of my mind?
Would it cease to exist?
People would walk past
Slow motion
They take a century
To make their way
The universe
Stretches
Shears
Splits
Spinning away
Away
The imagination has finally gone
Left.
Emptied me of existence
What is existence?
Does it exist?
The world is no more
Am I still here?
Has anything really happened?
Was there ever a world?
Was THAT the explosion?
Colours
Sounds
Feelings
They curl around me
Soothe
Caress
I scream
"No!"
Struggle against
The enclosing void
Trapping
Downwards
I yearn once again to be free
I thought this was the way!
Maybe there IS no way
Even with nothing there
I am trapped
Trapped by fear
Un-knowing
Un-loving
Un-believable
FEAR&
Of what?
There is nothing left to fear
My mind is no longer
I have become an entity
Crazed
Alone
Dead.



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puffin
natf
Nat S Ford
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