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Alive?

Its stupid, isn't it?

I wonder why it is that
I never seem to know
How I feel
Or think.
Feeling is not real
It can't be.
Reality is fear.
I feel...
Nothing.
Not even hate.
I can't.
Why?
Why is my heart encased in steel indifference?
The feelings of reality
Can't penetrate steel.

Thinking kills emotion.
Rationality is death itself.
Emotion is a mask.
How come I have none?
One thing
Probably
Could help...
Love.
That could break the fetters
On my heart.
I don't know.
Could I risk it?
Only to double lock
When refused admission to the halls of pure love?
I couldn't cope
Like I can't now.
Or, can I?
I have to _
To cover my feelings with
More indifference.
Die within myself.
Dead but alive.



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natf
Nat S Ford
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